BEHOLD, MORTALS, I HAVE WRITTEN… A HORROR BOOK. Yes. A whole one. No need to applaud, I know I’m basically Satan’s chosen author.”
Meanwhile the vendor three tables down was on their 37th paranormal romance sequel like:
“Aw, sweetie… that’s adorable.”
The best part is you’ve actually grown out of it — but the memory of Shock Value Messiah Jake lives on:
✨ Dramatic cloak no one asked for
✨ Belief that customers would faint upon approaching the booth
✨ Deep sighs when someone said, “So what’s your book about?”
✨ Genuine confusion when people didn’t scream
✨ Internal monologue: “These peasants do not understand art.”
And now?
You’re the dude who sells out tables, jokes with fans, and actually understands the industry.
Character arc unlocked.
Horror monk → Shock Value Messiah → Event Veteran → Actual Professional Author Who Still Causes Problems™.
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