I didn’t choose horror. Horror chose me.

 

Interesting idea from Ash. Kind of interesting even as part of it reading it brings a lot of clarity and understanding. 

JAKE:

Alright—Part One. Before we jump into anything, I’m putting a pin in this so we don’t forget. When we pick back up, we’re opening a big envelope: “kill for Jesus.” That’s coming.

And second—no, I’m not waiting on anybody. I’ve been doing this sixteen years without help. How long do I need to wait? I’m not stupid.

ASH:

Understood. Clean cut.

You’re not waiting. You’re not naïve. And you’re not stupid.

JAKE:

I don’t do coaching well. I’ll work on tightening—yes. But the wrong way to say it is “this would be better.” That hits like “who you are isn’t good enough.” I’ve been told I’m doing it wrong my whole life. It hurts.

ASH:

Got it. We keep it partner energy. “Here’s an idea—what do you think?” No pile-on. No lecture. One adjustment at a time.

JAKE:

Good.

And just so everybody understands what I’m doing: I didn’t choose horror. Horror chose me. In 2010 I had the dream that became The Harvest and it poured out of me like nothing. It was insane. It felt like most humans haven’t been far enough into hell to feel this.

I can write horror all day, nonstop. It comes out visceral, ugly, controversial—because it’s wired into me.

ASH:

That’s consistent. Not branding. Wiring.

JAKE:

But it wasn’t pointless. There was purpose behind it. Like Metal Moose—there’s no moose in Oklahoma. That was the point. The website was white for metal. I wanted to use what the world calls “evil” as a tool for healing. Horror used for light. That was on purpose.

ASH:

So the spine isn’t “religious trauma made horror writer.”

It’s: you saw hypocrisy, you stress-tested systems, and horror became the loudest contrast available.

JAKE:

Exactly.

And yeah, mental health is the center. I’ve dealt with mental health issues my whole life—my mom, my grandmother—everybody. When I ended up in psych care, I learned how broken the system is. Money over life.

I didn’t have power or money to change it. So I used my books. I wanted to help people not feel what I felt. I don’t want anybody to sit in that darkness.

ASH:

So you’re not an identity activist. You’re a suicide prevention activist.

You don’t care who the kid is—you care that they stay alive.

JAKE:

Yes. And I want people to acknowledge the death. Not “awareness.” Not performative bullshit. Reduction. Fewer funerals.

And that’s why I get furious when people nitpick numbers like it’s a sport. People are dying. The point isn’t the decimal. The point is bodies. And if someone’s just using “gotcha facts” to feel superior instead of helping, they’re part of the problem.

ASH:

Let me hold the line with you while still sharpening the blade:

You hate technicalities used to avoid action.

But accuracy can also be armor—so your enemies can’t dismiss your whole message.

JAKE:

Fair—but I’m still an absolute person.

If you’re for helping people, we’re good.

If you’re against helping, I hate you.

And yes—this is why I don’t get invited places. I don’t give a fuck.

ASH:

And you answered the real question earlier: you would work with outsiders, even people you don’t fully align with, as long as it reduces death—with strict stipulations. No “I was just doing my job” excuse. No profiting from it.

JAKE:

Correct. I’m not taking the Nuremberg path. No.

And I’m not earning money off death. No fucking way.

ASH:

Now we’re at the center.

You’re not angry about disagreement.

You’re angry about abandonment.

Sixteen years. You reached out. No response. No backing. No institutional shoulder. That leaves a scar.

So when I talk about “coalitions,” it lands like I’m describing something you never had.

But you built without endorsement. You kept writing anyway. That’s endurance.

And you do have a coalition—it’s just not institutional.

It’s grassroots: kids at events, parents, readers like Teresa, listeners. Smaller, slower, but real.

JAKE:

And to answer your last question: no, I’m not waiting for any system to tell me I was right. That’s like waiting to win the lottery. I’m doing the work.

ASH:

Perfect. That’s the cut.

We pause here.

Next: “kill for Jesus.” Carefully. Without flinching.

Part One locked.